Artemis' Night Before Christmas
by hollybridgetpeppermint
Summary: A parody on the famous poem. I know it's not anywhere near Christmas, but I had the idea and I just had to write it! AxH


**Disclaimer: I don't own the poem (if you didn't know that, you need to brush up on your Christmas facts), and I don't own Artemis, Holly, the Butlers, Mr. and Mrs. Fowl, Root, Foaly, Chix, Lili, Trouble, Grub, Argon, or Cumulus (phew! That was a lot of people!). Anywho…hey! I actually remembered the disclaimer again! Yippee! does victory dance, which makes people nearby stare and then scoot slowly away, muttering, "Back away slowly…"**

**Oh, by the way, for people who haven't read the books enough times, here are all the characters' full names:**

**Artemis Fowl Jr. (duh! If you didn't know that, you REALLY need to read the books again!)**

**Captain Holly Short (same applies)**

**Artemis Fowl Sr.**

**Angeline Fowl**

**Commander Julius Root**

**Foaly (techie centaur, his last name hasn't been mentioned in the books so far)**

**Captain Trouble Kelp**

**Corporal Grub Kelp**

**Corporal (?) Lili Frond**

**Private Chix Verbil**

**Dr. J. Argon**

**Professor (?) Cumulus**

**Anywho…yup…on to the fic! BANZAI!**

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Nothing was stirring, except for my mouse.

My parents had hung their stockings with care

In "hopes" that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.

The Butlers were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads

And I with computer tools, keyboard and all

Had just settled down to hack City Hall

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.

(Holly: That's a spinning chair, you idiot!)

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave a luster of midday to objects below,

When, what my wondering eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so small but so jolly

I knew in a moment it had to be Holly.

More rapid than eagles her coursers they came

And she whistled and shouted and called them by name;

"Now Foaly! Now Chix! Now Commander and Grub!

On, Lili! On, Argon! On, Cumulus and Trub!

(Trouble: It's TROUBLE! Not Trub!)

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the housetop the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys and, of course, Holly, too.

And then in a blink I heard, on the housetop,

Their groaning and sighing; they just would not stop.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Through the window came Holly with a leap and a bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her toe

And her clothes were the sparkling white of new snow;

A bundle of toys she had flung on her back,

And she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.

She looked up at me and she laughed—oh, how merry!

Her cheeks were like roses, as red as a cherry.

Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow;

In her auburn hair there were a few flakes of snow.

Her hazel eyes twinkled with Christmas cheer

It was just then I realized that I held her so dear.

I had butterflies flying around in my belly,

And both my legs shook, like bowls full of jelly.

I stood, my legs weak, and went up to the elf,

And this was where I made a fool of myself.

I acted as if I had no sense at all,

For I said, "Tomorrow's a Christmas ball,

And...um…I was wondering if you wanted to come,

We could go out for ice cream, if you like, when we're done."

It was then that I realized just what I had said,

And, thinking about it, my face turned bright red.

She sprang to her sleigh, smiling anew,

Gave a yell to her team, and away they all flew,

But I heard her exclaim, ere she drove out of sight,

"Of course I will go! Happy Christmas, good night!"

**Yes, I KNOW she should ask for permission to come in, but it had to keep to the rhyme and rhythm of the original…so let's just say she was using the invitation from when he kidnapped her or something… **

**Anywho…once again, I say…see the little blue button on the left side of the screen? Click it and prepare for a lot of fun! YAY! (Please?)**

**P.S. I MAY continue, depending on two things: one, whether people like the story or not (that depends on reviews! I know I'm cruel) and two, whether I can think of anything else…**


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